The Best I Could

One of the images that has haunted me since I first saw it is a scene in the (wonderful) movie Monsieur Vincent, about the life of St. Vincent de Paul.  The scene shows Vincent at the end of his life with his head in his hands, saying “I didn’t do enough.”  My thought then and many times since has been: I don’t want to be at the end of my life saying, “I didn’t do enough.”  Which, of course, raises the question: what is enough?

I’m currently reading a book my friend Tim recommended to me, called The Art of Possibility.  (I hesitate to say I highly recommend a book before I’ve finished it, but I’ve read enough to be confident in saying it is terrific and worth reading.)  The chapter I just finished reading recounts Justice Thurgood Marshall’s answer to a question he was asked when he retired from the Supreme Court.  He was asked what accomplishment he was most proud of.  And his answer was not his successful argument before the Supreme Court in the famous case of Brown vs. Board of Education or being the first African-American on the Supreme Court or any of the other incredible accomplishments he is known for.  Instead he answered: “That I did the best I could with what I had.”  The line stopped me dead in my tracks.

Many of us struggle with perfectionism.  We think we are never good enough, that we have to do more, that we have to be perfect.  We take the instruction in Matthew’s Gospel to “be perfect as your Heavenly father is perfect,” to demand of us a higher level of performance than it is ever possible for us to achieve.

I did the best I could with what I had.  What more can one ask?  What more is possible?  If, at the end of the day, I can say I did the best I could with what I had, that is enough.  Not perfect.  Not error-free.  But enough for God…and if enough for God, than enough for me.