Reminder to Self: I am not in Control

Regular readers will remember that I wrote on this theme almost exactly a month ago when I got sick while at St. Benedict’s: There for ten days to finish my conversion book, I spent two days at less than maximum work effort because of illness.

All I can conclude is that I need continual reminder that I am not in control and need to learn to accept (indeed, embrace) whatever I receive. And I decided to share this on the thought that perhaps I’m not the only one who needs the reminder.

Last night, while we were seeing a simulcast of the Mariinski Theater performance of Swan Lake, my right eye started to bother me. By the time we got home, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling something was in my eye even though there was nothing there. By this morning, when I woke up in pain and with a crusted eyelid and red eye, It was clear I needed a doctor. The ophthalmologist finally fit me in at 2:30 (I was the third emergency visit of the day) and diagnosed conjunctivitis. (Am I the only one that thought only kids get conjunctivitis?)

Not a serious illness in the larger scheme of things. But between painful irritation, gunkiness (I’m not sure if that is an actual word, but you get the idea), and blurriness – it was enough to throw my day off. I had a pile of work to get done, and a much smaller percentage of it actually got done than I intended.

And all I can do is breathe and remind myself that I am not in control. It is what it is.

Let go. Be.