As part of the Catholic Company Reviewer Program, I was sent a copy of Grace Café: Serving Up Recipes for Faithful Mothering, by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle. As the title suggests, the book is aimed at Catholic women with children and seeks to affirm and encourage them in their familial vocation. Having just finished reading it, I have mixed reactions.
There are some very positive things about the book. First, for those mothers lacking a familiarity with the various papal encyclicals and other statements on the role of women, it provides useful education. The book is liberally sprinkled with quotes from a number of such documents. Second, it contains a good discussion of a number of important points, such as ways to find time for prayer in the midst of incredible busyness, the value of instilling a sense of the sacred and of prayer in children from an early age, the need to be in the present and to savor the time we have with our children, and importantly, the need to have some gentleness with ourselves when things don’t go according to plan. Third, many of the “recipe cards” that end the chapters contain practical and useful advice.
What bothered me most about the book is the implicit criticism I sense in it of women with children who choose to work. Although the author clearly accepts that not all women must be mothers and that some mothers will be forced by economic necessity to work, there seems to be an underlying suggestion that unless one is forced to do so, a mother should be at home with her children full time. While I respect the decision of women who make that choice, I don’t believe that either our faith as Catholics or the needs of our children demand that every mother do so.
Perhaps related to the last point, I found a curious lack of attention to the role of the father in the family. Fathers, too, are an important part of the moral and spiritual development of children and there are many parts of the book that (intentional or otherwise) seem to present the task as solely the province of the mother. This may be explained by the author’s own childhood experience: at one point she talks about the fact that her father worked long hours to support their large family, leaving her mother with the sole “responsibility of leading her children on the path of holiness and keeping us on the straight and narrow.” But it need not be the experience of everyone.
With those reservations, I think there are many mothers, particularly those who feel unappreciated, who will find the book very encouraging and helpful.
Update: Please be sure to read the comment to this post written by the author of Grace Cafe, Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle, which addresses my reservation about the role of the father. And thanks for Donna-Marie for commenting.
Thank you very much for your review of my book, “Grace Cafe: Serving Up Recipes for Faithful Mothering.”
I’d like to address your concerns about this book, if I may.
Firstly, I feel that the husband and father holds an extremely prominent place in the home and I speak about that quite a bit. On page 39, I quote Pope Benedict and I will just pull a part of the fairly long quote here: “…From the moment of conception, children have a right to count on their father and mother who care for them and accompany them in their growth…”He goes on to talk about the duties of them both and then specifically addresses the woman, “Moreover, it is necessary that it be made possible for the woman to cooperate in the building-up of society, appreciating her typical ‘feminine genius’.” That was part of Pope Benedict’s address to the women gathered (myself included) at the Vatican last Feb. 2008 who were invited by the Holy See in commemoration of Mulieris Dignitatem.
I always speak highly of the irreplaceable role of the father in the family and have mentioned him quite a bit in my book, “The Domestic Church: Room by Room: A Mother’s Study Guide” that was released at the same time as “Grace Cafe.” As a matter of fact, I have a whole chapter about the husband in “The Domestic Church.”
Because “Grace Cafe: Serving Up Recipes for Faithful Mothering” was written for Faithful Mothers, I am addressing all of the tips and advice to mothers, not fathers. It is mothers who are reading this book.
Regarding your comment about my mother raising the children in their faith, I included that in “Grace Cafe” because I wanted modern day Christian mothers to have hope in their hearts that even if their husbands aren’t totally “on board” with raising their children in their faith, that they can do it with God’s grace and lots of prayer. In my ministry to mothers and women, I have talked to countless women who lament because they feel alone in their Christian mothering. I feel it’s my job to give them a “pat on the back” and lots of encouragement for the journey. It’s been working, by God’s grace and women from around the world have contacted me with thankful hearts. God is so good – all of the time!
I hope that these words may be of some help. God bless you on your journey!
Donna-Marie